hikeonwheels (hikeonwheels) wrote in thetragicdad,

My story!

The situation is this:

Im 23, I had a child with a girl I was engaged to when I was 19. We stayed together till I was 21. (we had been together for about 5 years in total.)

Well, when we first split, we had to sell the house so we were living under the same roof for a while so I still got to see Jordan.

When I moved out, I was initially planning on moving back in with my mum and step-dad but I had met a girl at work and we had become quite close over the last few months, she had just split with her fella, so we thought it would be good if I moved in with her, if nothing else but to help eachother afford to live.

This was a lot more appealing than moving back home, I never got on with my step-dad when I lived there.

Charlotte, the girl I moved in with was (and still is) really lovely. Our relationship has blosomed since moving in with each other and we both knew it was a big risk to do something like this so early on in a relationship. Some might say we were both on the rebound but the truth is we love eachother very much.

Up until about 3 months ago I was seeing my 4 year old every weekend and he would come and stay with us most saturdays...I was over the moon at the way Charlotte had accepted him into our lives.

Recently though, I have not seen him. Not because his mother wont let me but because, well, I think it is best for him to grow up without me in the picture. His mother has since found a new partner and obviously has taken on the role of "father" figure. I dont want to be a weekend father. All or nothing. Thats me. I'm doing this purely for selfless reasons...I want to see Jordan, hes only 4 but its not fair on him only seeing me once a week wondering what the hell is going on and why is dad is never around so I thought I would remove myself out of the picture entirely. Charlotte first opened my eyes to what was happening to Jordan and what must ne going on inside his head!

After we sat down and talked about it, I realised how selfish I was being and that I should just let him go and give him some chance of a normal life.

My mother still sees him and she is always asking me when I am going to see him. I havent got the guts to come out and tell her that Im not going to see him anymore, mainly becuase I dont want to burst into tears saying it...

Anyone's opinions...positive or negative will be greatly appreciated..

And I realise I am only the 2nd member of this community so it may take some time...

Waiting patiently

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Just stumbled across this....

Its hard for me to comment, because my situation hasnt gone as far as to where Joanne has a new fella. I know its going to be hard being the weekend dad but i will try my hardest to make it work....

You have to...
i ache for that little boy. when my ex and I split, because he beat me up, i gave him chance after chance to see his son. he became the weekend father, and jace loved his daddy. but he stopped coming, has bee nin jailand now he's raising someone elses kid, and not even thinking about his own. i feel bad for my son.

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believe me..i have.
I just wanted to give my input. I know, I'm not a member of this community, but I stumbled upon this post, and it almost made me cry. You probably won't read this, but I'll post it anyways.

My opinion? Stay in your child's life. Please.

I have a "weekend father" and a stepfather. And yeah, it's kind of hard, but I sort of know what your son might go through.

If you decide to discontinue a relationship with your son, it really will hurt him. He will remember you, and he will always wonder why you left. And even if people tell him the truth, it's still going to hurt him.

Yes, having a "weekend father" has been hard sometimes. But you know what? I've always known that he was there, and it has helped a lot. Whenever I had something that was important to me, like recitals and shows, he usually came to it. And though I didn't get to see him all that much, I still saw him, which was better than not seeing him at all.

There were times when I didn't get to see him that it ached me.

And, yes, I have a stepfather who had been in my life since I was 7 years old. He's a great person, and he really is like my second dad. But a stepfather can never fill the void, or at least not for me. No matter what, he will never be my DAD.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life. If you truly feel in your heart that it's a good decision, then my comment won't matter. But I think that in the long run your son would be better of WITH YOU than without.
Try you best to stay in your sons life. Always be honest with him and make sure every moment you spend with him are the most special ever....

It will be worth it.

Beleive me.
Hi all im anew dad. i have a 9 month old son. and my girl friend has 2 daughtors 7and 9 i cannot handle them theywalk all over me. im thinging about leaving my girlfriend how should i handle the hold child thing. i love my son and will always be a part of his life. should i go through courts or should i try to keep it between us. i need some adive help me before its toolate